Think about something that haunts you. Maybe you’re haunted by life’s mistakes or Catholic guilt or three ghosts who won’t let you get a decent night’s sleep. I am not haunted by those things. I am haunted by The Watcher in the Woods.
The Watcher in the Woods is a 1980 film directed by John Hough best known (by me) for Escape to Witch Mountain (1975) and Return from Witch Mountain (1978). It is either set in a part of England where everyone speaks in Connecticut accents, or part of England where Dr. Niles Crane was born. It stars Bette Davis as Mrs. Aylwood, a woman who allows The Curtis family to rent her mansion while she lives in the shack next door.
Strange things happen from the first day the Curtis family moves into the house. It starts when the older Curtis daughter, Jan (Kyle Richards, Paris Hilton’s aunt and recent reality television star), begins to see eerie blue lights, triangles and glowing objects in the woods—basically everything you would expect from a Disney movie riddled with occult symbolism. Then, like any American who just moved to England, Jan’s younger sister, Ellie (Lynn-Holly Johnson), goes to a farm to buy a puppy.
Ellie names the puppy “Nerak.” Jan notices the reflection of the puppy’s name written on the window and uncovers the mysterious identity of Mrs. Aylwood’s disappeared daughter. The missing daughter’s name is—wait for it—“Karen”—or.. “Nerak” spelled backwards! I could have told you “the puppy’s name is ‘Nerak’—or ‘Karen’ spelled backwards,” but that would overlook the fact that Nerak is a perfectly common and incredibly plausible name for anything. Especially a puppy.
Other strange occurrences happen, such as when Jan meets a man named John (Scottish character actor Ian Bannen) who tells her Karen did disappear, but did not die. Apparently, thirty years ago they held a séance in an abandoned church in the woods near the Aylwood house. Karen disappeared after lightning struck the tower and a bell fell on top of her. All of this is somehow linked to a solar eclipse.
I guess this is where Disney’s classic daughter-disappearing-through-a-bell-at-a-séance gimmick originated. I blame my phobias of storms, bells and eclipses on this movie. Inverted names, too. My fear of Bette Davis stems from something else entirely: one time, in sixth grade, I got this really bad case of “Bette Davis eyes”—couldn’t furrow my brow for a month.
Parsing the plot is an unnecessary labor when it comes to enjoying (fearing) this film. In the end, or should I say in one of the three endings, all is explained. In the other two endings (including the original theatrical release) nothing is explained. I like to think of it as one of those “choose your own adventure” books. Only instead of a book, it’s a movie and instead of an adventure, it’s an alien “fueled by the circle of friendship” kidnapping you to another dimension. Depending on the ending you’re watching, that alien could look like a warm and glowing pillar of light, or a giant radioactive wood-boring bark beetle coming to eat your soul.
The only thing standing in the way of this film’s cult following is ..everything. The special effects, which are now almost laughably bad, scared me senseless as a child. Strangely enough, while re-watching the movie recently—whether it was memory-driven, or something from another dimension taking hold—I found myself pretty unnerved by the end. It seems that Watcher in the Woods will continue to creep me out. This movie is literally so bad that its scary.
