Deciding to change neighborhoods in New York City is a lot like shopping for a new personality. I have a pretty fluid persona, which I plan to utilize when I run for governmental office and until then I just let others enjoy. Sure, it is a liability at times. Do you have a friend who involuntarily acquires accents when speaking with visitors from other countries? You do now. Unfortunately, I don’t actually speak a foreign language, so all of my accents meld into one Hank Azaria character: not good.
However, my soullessness (I prefer shape-shifter), has its perks. Now that I’m moving, I can completely re-invent myself into someone cooler, tougher or at least more punctual. I studied the neighborhoods like an online shopper and mentally tried on hats. Did I want to complain about the green line or the red line? (Pretentious subway snobs who only differentiate lines as either IRT or BMT/IND: I don’t apologize for my color delineations.) When I moved to Brooklyn from Manhattan, I immediately relaxed. I wore less black. When I triumphantly returned to Manhattan Island, I ordered mountains of delivery in celebration. I’m not a poser; I’m just really, really impressionable.
The intra-Manhattan move involves a less intense transformation. You don’t have leave your food-coop (that’s gym to you, Financial district) or exchange your atomic nuclei. Still, I am looking forward to meeting this new version of myself. Remember season two of Felicity when she cuts off all her hair? Well, its mistakes like that I’m trying to avoid. I have to be careful. When you’re not careful you end up in walking distance of every frat bar on Second Avenue.
I’m going from Uptown to Downtown, so right away my parks will change. I’ll stop being someone who regularly hangs out in Central Park and start being a Union Square, or even a Washington Square, denizen. Or I can forgo the park entirely and spend my time in cafés, now that there will be more than one independent café in .8 miles (it doesn’t sound very far but consider NYC is 2.3 miles wide—at its widest). I feel like I will become more political and gayer. Maybe I’ll join a band, or at least grown a goatee (Yes, I know I’m a woman, don’t be sexist.)
The dog and vegetarianism I acquired in Brooklyn traveled with me to the Upper East Side. What will I take with me downtown? My museum memberships? An aversion to dirt? If necessity is the mother of invention, then Madonna is the mother of re-invention. Speaking of Madonna, I haven’t checked in with her in a while, does she have a new album or religion I should avoid? Who knows, maybe when I move I’ll become a Madonna- fanatic. Anything is possible: stay tuned.
