July 4, 1978

It’s the eighth of July.  I had something to say on the fourth of July about the fourth of July but I was busying getting a sunburn.  Here it is now:

I have one very distinct memory of the 4th of July. I was twelve years old and living in Fort Lauderdale at the time.  It was early evening, the air was warm, and I was running over to get my brother from his friend’s house. We were going out on the boat to watch the fireworks, which I loved.

Unfortunately, my geek brother hid on me and scared me (what an a-hole). I fell into a ravine and woke up a few minutes later. I ran home to tattle but when I reached my door a young couple (not my parents) answered. They informed me it was 1986, not 1978 and I had been missing for eight years.

Then, NASA scientists swooped in and I met Sarah Jessica Parker. I escaped and rode around in a spaceship voiced by Pee Wee Herman. Eventually, I called my brother from a gas station and he set off my stashed bottle rockets to signal me home.  I decided I could not stay in 1986 (even though I felt strangely it already was 1986).  I instructed the spaceship to return me to 1978 and was reunited with the 1978 version of my family.  The fireworks that night were underwhelming.

I am not entirely sure how I came to understand the 1986 Disney movie Flight of the Navigator as actual events that occurred in my own life.  At this point, it has become an integral part of my childhood memory and there is no unweaving this technicolor dream coat of insanity. The best we can hope for is that I escape from Witch Mountain long enough to meet up with the Apple Dumpling gang, because at this point I am totally wanted: for chicanery, skulduggery, tomfoolery and habitual bungling! (And also several major copyright infringements.)

Because you were going to anyway:

Remake alert!  Rumors started in March that Brad Copeland is rewriting it. IMDB says “in development” for 2011.