This Monday at sunrise New York City will face a new threat: breakfast. Tim Horton’s, Canada’s version of Dunkin’ Donuts will be opening its doors for the first time in the Big Apple. How will they do it? By secretly masquerading in no fewer than twelve old Dunkin Donuts locations: Douughnuts. Is Dunkin’ Donuts pissed? You bet your munchkin: glazed backlash.
How to survive: Thankfully, Canadian donuts are easy to spot. First, look for all flavours to have British spellings. Secondly, the donuts will be dry, especially in their wit. Last, look for smaller, puck-like pastries frosted with superiority. Also, each donut will have Pierre Trudeau’s image stamped in the center. (Unlike their political system, Canadian donuts have a center.)
P.S. Instead of coffee they will serve caesars.