Hello and welcome to my website on the World Wide Web.¹ I have been preparing for your arrival. I have done a lot of research in order to gently introduce you to this new environment. I got a full night’s sleep and am wearing loose fitting clothes. I placed the Blog in a rear-facing position, as it is less than 20lbs. You cannot hear me right now, but I am softly singing a lullaby² and I have covered all the electrical outlets in my apartment. (Don’t worry there are only two and one doesn’t work.)
Once you are cozy and settled with the Blog on the Front Page, feel free to crawl over to the About: A Detailed Explanation Page. There you will read about my plan to dethrone Barbara Walters and there is a picture of a typewriter you may find pleasing to your senses. Later, maybe after a nap, navigate (as if through a warm canal) to the longer stories located in the Compendium. I suggest you start with Ice Cream Truck; it tends to go down easiest.
If after you arrive here you cry for 1-5 hours straight, do not worry, this is perfectly normal. Just remember, whatever you do don’t leave yourself alone with any household pets. Thank you for coming, the Blog will be updated often and longer writing on the other Pages will be updated less often. I’m using a green font because I didn’t know if you’d be a boy or a girl. I hope you like it but, more than that, I hope you like me. I’m registered at Bloomingdale’s.
P.S. I bought an $1100 Stokke Xplory stroller,
but that’s just for me. It turns out it’s now cheaper than a Metrocard. I can’t steer it but it stores 11 baby yogurt packs and allows me to make eye contact with whoever is pushing me.
1. This distinguishes it from any website on Internet II.¹
2. The lullaby is not creepy.
1. I’m just planning ahead