Early this morning fighting broke out on the Upper East Side when a covert ops group “Secret Santas” made a pre-dawn raid on several stores with post-“Holiday” markdowns. No humans were harmed, but the streets are now riddled with lifeless Christmas trees. NYC residents cannot escape disturbing images like the one pictured left.
The War on Christmas has taken an ugly turn.
Ugly like, Bill O’Reilly kissing Glenn Beck. What? No that didn’t happen. It’s just a good example of something that would be really, really ugly. Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck making out every day all the time would be ugly. I’m not saying they do it. I’m just saying when Bill O’Reilly kisses Glenn Beck it will not look good. I’m sure you agree that if Glenn Beck is Bill O’Reilly’s lover, you will not buy the naked making out calendar that Glenn Beck and Bill O’ Reilly are definitely going to be producing for 2010 if they decide to become lovers.
It looks like Christmas stayed late this year.
And when you combine that with its predilection for coming early, Christmas has really awful manners. I’m not impressed, Christmas. You have a thing or two to learn about punctuality when it comes to being a guest. No wonder people declare war on you. Little known fact: the War of 1812 started when France brought Britain to the U.S.’s invitation-only ice cream social, 45 minutes early. James Madison was pissed and Dolly Madison made them eat only salt pork sundaes.
Christmas: the Salahi’s of holidays.