All these things that I’ve learned.

I’m going to share with you some things I learned in the past six weeks.

TheMoreYouKnow# (coming soon)

1. The 7 Year Itch is an Amazing movie with an unfortunate title.

I stayed away for too long thinking it was either about baseball or STDs.  It turns out it’s about two gay interior designers living together openly in a city with a delightful-sounding vegetarian restaurant and being referred to with nonchalance in 1955.   Okay fine, it’s not about that, but that happens.

2. Passion Pit is messing with your mind, man!

Hypsteria!

First, they’re playing at The Fader’s ‘One Step Beyond’ party at the Museum of Natural History for only $25! (So what if it’s only a DJ set.)  Then, a few days prior to the party, they announce a Passion Pit secret show 90 minutes before the Fader party.  And it’s free. And open bar.  And amazing.

Upon hearing this fans were so overwrought, they put on skinny jeans over their skinny jeans.  Three people are still in the hospital having pants surgically removed (You think those things just come right off?)  My friends went, but I didn’t go.

However, I was at Passion Pit’s personal pan pizza and massage party 45 minutes before their secret show.  It was in a Mason lair covered with bones of other lesser indie bands. With free food. And they paid me to go.   Nate Donmoye gives a great backrub and makes an okay Margarita pie.

3. Elena Kagan’s  SATC 2 cameo was cut when they found out she wasn’t gay.  They replaced her with Liza Minelli, which probably stung.

Desert Storm.

However, she did manage to grab 43 of the 51 the votes she needs for confirmation by performing a remixed Lady Gaga duet with Grayson Carter on the Idol Finale.  Which is weird, because Lady Gaga recently wrote a scathing dissent of Kagan’s: “Private Speech, Public Purpose: The Role of Governmental Motive in First Amendment Doctrine”.  It’s called “Alejandro.”

And that’s the only reason why that’s weird.

But, by far the most important thing I learned in the past 6 weeks is this:

Bros are Icing Bros.

See Gawker for whatever ridiculous headline I'm sure they made up to chronicle this stupid phenomenon

Bros are f’ing icing bros!

Bros.

Are.

Icing.

Bros.

Did you hear me? Get on the dude phone! Call Broseph stat and tell him to Fitch up ’cause things are totally gnarly!

When will we learn that Bro-on-Bro icing only leads to more Bros being iced? (And less shirts.) Please join me in solace for all the iced bros out there.  I am selling Diamond Wristbands for the cause. Please buy one and demonstrate your support for Bros not icing each other and having less of a media and internet presence than they currently do.