Category Archives: Threats

Happy Labor Day

Labor can and will strike without warning.

What a mother!

What a mother!

That last sentence could be considered a warning were labor not so incredibly potent and surprising.  You could be anywhere: on a houseboat, at the prom, drinking a daiquiri–literally anywhere.  The thing that separates labor from lightning is, labor often strikes twice. (Other than that its pretty hard to distinguish between them.)

This woman has been struck by labor eighteen times!  One day a year is simply not enough to raise awareness on this important issue.  Literally millions of people this year have already been stricken with labor.  So, I suggest you keep this handy guide with you at all times.  On this Labor day, let’s stay safe by avoiding swimming pools, massages, spicy foods, primrose oil, and Jim Bob Duggar at all costs.  Only you can prevent Labor; don’t let Labor ruin your good time!

Gummi Bears!

Haribooya!

Haribooya!

Is the nation ready for giant gummy bear on a stick?

Where I come from, Gummi bears save us from dragons by bashing them on the head with hams.  Also, they’re alcoholics.

You might be asking yourself just how do I know so much about Gummi bears?  (Yes, they ARE afraid of heights.)  Well, aside from vast personal experience,  (dated Cavin off and on from 1994-1997) I just happened to own this miracle of modern technology.

Listen to me, you might be working right now.  You might have a slow internet connection.  I might even be holding a loaded pistol to your head forcing you to read this post.  None of these is a good enough reason not to click on that link and feast your eyes on one of the greatest inventions of my generation.  Remember, the Chinese call them the “wonder wonder bears” for a reason.