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Newflash: Maniac Murders Family via Arterial Plaque.

Why is he making three roasts for dinner? Really sir, kebabs as a side? Who’s going to finish that ham? Your 46 pound daughter? “Let dad school you on myocardial infarction.”  Clean up’s a snap? Sure, just dump her body in the trash and no one will distinguish between the bones of your victims and those of all the animal carcasses you fed them. Perfectly cooked alibis at the push of a button.

These next few posts will be devoted to the murderous arsenal that is Cuisinart.  “Cooking appliances for professional and home—assasins.” The holidays are upon us. Gird your pork loins.